From someone who has experienced suicide from another perspective

Have you ever watched one of those sad movies where the police come to the door to let someone know that their family member has died. Or the dreaded phone call asking if you are a member of this persons family.

On February 24th  2011 it was a normal day for me at work. Woke up had breakfast, went to work. Getting on with my day finally in the busy hairdressing salon I was working in came time for me to grab a bite to eat and I ducked out to grab some lunch and fresh air. In the mist of all the rushing around to do this, I get a phone call from mum. Being so busy I ignored the phone call. She rings again…

I think to myself, something must be up. I have that weird feeling in my gut. So I stop where I am in the shopping centre and answer. Hey mum, cant talk for long. Rushing around on my lunch break… The response is not what I’m expecting to hear. She responds. Are you sitting down?

Obviously im not, so I answer “no”.

 She says go back to work and I’ll call you back in 5minutes. So I race/hurry with that butterfly feeling in my stomach knowing somethings wrong but having to wait that 5minutes that felt like 30minutes for her to call me back.

The phone rings… Brrr. .. Brrrrr….. “Hello”..

"Bub, at 2.30pm your brother was pronounced dead"… WTF????

Silence….. "What? Huh? “What are you talking about mum??”

"Rube, your brother had a fight with his girlfriend and committed suicide". The words that I would never expect to hear come out of your mum’s mouth about your brother!!!!

WTF am I actually hearing, I’m thinking to myself. I’m in shock. I need to cry but I just feel numb!!

I grab my bag; go tell my boss I need to leave my brother has just died.

I then make the dreaded 10hr drive to Emerald. I don’t remember much of the drive. Feeling numb, no emotions, silence in the car, do I cry is it real? I don’t know. So much is going through my head but nothing is coming out of my mouth.

I get to Emerald, and it’s TRUE. It’s really true. I didn’t want it to be true but it is. My brother Anton has passed away due to suicide. So many questions to ask him? But it’s too late. Why why did he do this? Is life that hard that a small thing can ripple effect and end his life, his relationship his bonds with his family?

My family BROKE……

Dad in silence, my younger sisters heartbroken, and my mum her loud and proud self-stunned for words and me the rock. Still to this day does it feel like hes actually gone.

 I thank my partner the strong supportive guy that he is. Always there for me and keeping me strong. Without him I honestly don’t know where I would be, would I have followed the same path as my brother? I don’t know. Ive thought about it before.. My mum shes told me shes wanted to… I need to be that strong figure in my family while every mourns in their own way.

Life is precious, may it be a small fight you have, not feeling happy about yourself, getting down, having one of those moments where you just think… If i'm not here anymore maybe it would be better? Maybe they would be better without me?

Let me tell you… Being on the otherside of the path.

The family member of someone who fell victim to depression and lost his battle 24th Feb 2011. The past 6 years have been hard.

Hard for my family, hard for me. Plenty of under answered questions. All I know now, is I wish I spoke up. I wish I told him I was there for him. That I loved him. Life is short guys! Tell the ones you love them, that you really do, feel love, be loved, experience love, show love.

I miss him everyday, and everyday that passes is another day I know that I have my brother with me in spirit guiding me on this path that I lead today x