I allowed my emotions and thoughts to take over me at one point. It was 2009 where I wanted to end it..
8 years later, being here is something I would never take for granted again. And through all these years never once had that thought ever again. And have been blessed with a beautiful daughter and loving husband.
It was all about time and acceptance.Time allows you to grow, to learn, to live. It holds a magical bliss where the darkness can become a place where you can feel peace. Where negative thoughts turn into positives. And realising that, that empty feeling only relies on you. Only oneself can fulfill that emptiness and relying on others will never will. To ever think that that emptiness can only be filled by someone else is so damaging to ones wellbeing. To a point where you'd feel lost and just a wondering soul.
It took me 5 years to move on from that feeling. It was the most amazing feeling of love for myself and peace.
And realised I wasted those 5 years feeling lost and sad everyday. It made me think it was okay to harm myself. Speaking negative to myself all the time. Not eating. Breaking down out of nowhere. Everytime the high school counsellor asked why I felt this way I would always say "empty" when I should have said "allowing my thoughts to take over me". It made me feel so alone and that no one will ever understand me and what I was feeling. It made me feel small in a room full of people. It made me feel angry all the time. Whenever I walked, my head would always be down and never took notice of the little things, the birds chirping or trees or how whenever it rained made the grass greener.
It was 2014 when that feeling left me. I just asked myself why I felt that way. I realised that the reason was never going to change and that the only way it was going to change was to accept it and move on. It wasn't easy at first but it grew on me. By doing this it changed the way on how I approached life.
I always look at life with a positive attitude and mind now. Whenever I feel any negative feeling instead of holding onto that feeling I simply accept it and let go or turn it into a positive. Lifes to short to be sad all the time. Help yourself grow. Always be grateful. Be always present and to never let the past or future affect you. When you feel like its never going to end it will no matter how long it takes always have hope. Be patient with yourself. Remember you're never alone.There is always someone there to listen. One day you will just wake up and its gone. It will be the most liberating feeling. A feeling of happiness and reason.
Sitting here thinking about that time makes me so grateful that it happened. It has shaped me to the person I am today. If I didn't move on from that feeling. I don't think I would've been a wife or mother, a woman with a free mind today. Embracing change. It's okay to feel sad or any negative emotion just don't let it take over you. Don't beat yourself up about it either for feeling that way it will only cause more harm to yourself.We all have a purpose. Everyone is going through there own battle.
Every single day you make a choice on how you want to live.
The mind plays a powerful role in ones life where you choose on how it controls you.
Written by Somalin Sin