The Untold Story.

Why ‘The Untold Story’? ,well because until now I have only ever spoken to one person in regards to what you are about to read.  Who was this person? My Mum, Dad, Brother, Best mate, no it was an old client of mine, who will remain unnamed, and who also had a background in mental health. You see being a personal trainer you develop relationships with people who you see every week, at the same time, at the same place who come to you to train hard, get fit, feel better and also to share with you there bad days, good days, what’s happening at home or with the kids, and inevitably you open up to them without even realising discussing all your problems.

At my lowest point I didn’t know who to call or who to talk to, I was scared. So I rang this person who listened to me cry and cry whilst I sat in my apartment by myself and saved me from slipping into an even darker place.

How did I get to this point?

Accumulation of events starting way back when my parents separated when I was in grade 7 I saw a professional councillor who, in my eyes, twisted my words and emotions reporting back to my parents with misleading information (hence why I have never seen a councillor since that day and never will in the future). Moving forward to feeling self-conscious about my body and how I looked, breakups with girlfriends due to cheating and trust issues and more. This lead to something I thought I would never have to face, depression and anxiety.

I found myself not being able to eat, uncontrollably shaking, sleep deprived with wild thoughts running through my head, crying until I was so exhausted I would pass out, I gave up on training and would do the bare minimum when it came to leaving the house (to and from work), I was stressed and always on edge which made me no fun to be around or social. It fucked me! Until one day I just stopped giving a shit, now this may sound bad at first but trust me it helped me so much. I went from a loving and caring person (deep down it was still there) to the complete opposite; it was like a just flicked a switch. I did what I wanted when I wanted; I learnt to be by myself, happy with myself, stayed out of relationships and I didn’t care what anyone thought of me or what I was I doing.

After all of that I eventually came to a point where I had learned how to love and care for someone or anyone again. I had a whole new outlook on the person I wanted to be, how I wanted to treat others and forgot about the old me, I was back on top of my training and nutrition feeling and looking the best I ever had. It only got better form here, the day I picked up my best mate from the airport, my dog – a man’s best friend; Kendrick. This fluffy little bugger has taught me more about myself in the past 6 months then what anyone ever has. He’s taught me that I can love and care for someone or something again, yes he may just be a dog but I love him more than anything, apart from Dad, Mum and Brother, actually probably about the same.

Now I wouldn’t say Kendrick has cured all my problems or worries, as I still haven’t been in another relationship to put to test my trust and anxiety issues but it something I am working towards and have faith and a positive attitude towards to make it work.

My Advice;

Everyone deals with their own demons in a different way, so what may work for me may not work for you but I have always been a big believer in a positive mind will give you a positive outcome with a ‘refuse to quit’ attitude, and  never tackle something with a negative mind. I believed in myself that I could be happy by myself and here I am living in my first home I purchased by myself (as in only human in the house) with my best mate Kendrick and I couldn’t be happier!
Set yourself some goals whether it is in the gym, at home, work, studying or wherever in your life you seem fit for a goal. And when you smash it out the park reward yourself with a holiday or night something that makes you feel ALIVE!
Talk to someone; find someone who you can open up to and feel completely comfortable with in my case it was my old client. My parents, family and friends still don’t know about what I went through and wont until they read this. Find YOUR person.

Oh and get yourself a dog.

My Message;

To anyone struggling, feeling down, battling demons or just having a shit fucking day; there is light at the end of the tunnel, there is people here you can talk to (my phone is always on me, look me up on Facebook ill happily chat with you) and will listen and most of all there is people here who love and adore you!

Much love from Me and my boy Kendrick <3

Written and Submitted by Macauley Ryan