"Wait, did you just say your blog was only 2 months old and it's already nominated for the BUPA Blog Awards? That is huge Whit, you should be so proud!"
It wasn't until I spoke to Casey from Livin to realize how big of a deal this was! I know that I haven't won or even made the finalists list yet, but it's pretty awesome to know that I am in the running to win an award for my recently launched blog. I have never been one to celebrate anything but papered achievements, but you know what? Today I am celebrating this journey. This journey and this blog is one I need to celebrate, it's bitter sweet to say the least.... it was born when I died.
Ok, so I didn’t essentially die, but apart of me did….I use to be this outgoing, bubbly person, nothing scared me, I use to go out clubbing by myself knowing that I will meet people or at least meet up with a group of friends. I had so much confidence. Then one day it was all gone. I didn't recognize the person I would get a quick glimpse at in any reflection (I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror anymore). I had no idea what was wrong and I sure as hell didn't know how to "start that awkward conversation" because I found it embarrassing... why would anyone be interested in hearing that one day I could look at myself in the mirror and the next I hide from every mirror? I thought this topic would make me look vein to others, but it wasn’t even the fact that I couldn’t look in the mirror… It was the fact that I didn’t know how to describe how I was feeling, it kind of felt like the person I use to be had left my body and I was left living in this numb shell, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I found it hard to talk to anyone about this because everyone around me was so positive and happy, why should I bring them down with all of negative thoughts and feelings? Instead of sharing these thoughts with people I wrote them down. And when I finally had enough confidence to explain to my friends why I was the way I was I sent them my "book” (a book of stories that I released from my head out into the world to free my head from these thoughts). I had some people tell me that they were up until 3am reading it for the second time because they loved it, I had some people just walk up to me and hug me not knowing what to say, but the thing that I guess bought life to the idea of this blog was when I started receiving replies like "You have no idea how much I can relate to this, I have been going through something similar but don't know how to talk about it". There were more replies but these are just the highlighted ones that inspired me to start this blog, knowing that there are other people out there struggling through the same shit and not knowing how to talk to their friends about it.
I wanted to create a platform for people out there who don't know how to start "That Awkward Conversation". A platform to release whatever it is they are holding onto, to encourage and inspire people who are struggling through depression and anxiety to also start talking. I want people to know that they aren’t the only ones struggling and hopefully feel inspired to get help or start “That Awkward Conversation”. It is also a way of having that conversation with your friends and family without speaking. I know for a fact how draining it was telling people over and over again my story and when you're struggling through depression you're already so tired and drained all the time... Call me lazy or smart, I found a way to save my energy for things like yoga that give me energy and a way of informing those around me about what's going on.
Regardless if I win this award or make it to the finals, this has been my journey so far and I am going to celebrate my achievement.