Driving into work was a struggle this week, the amount of fog that blanketed the city was ridiculous… I honestly couldn’t see 100m in front of my windscreen. So I know this is dangerous but sometimes I like to have awkward conversations at the most inappropriate times… like whilst driving!! It gave me the thought of “driving into depression” (obviously this is a metaphor) but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. When I was dealing with depression my mind was so foggy and unclear, it made any future plans (or even the future) impossible to see.
So as you can imagine “driving into depression” (aka the fog) bought up emotions that I guess I didn’t want to relive. The main feeling that resurfaced was anxiety… I was getting frustrated and pissed off because as much as I was trying to focus on driving and trying to find the road through the fog, I couldn’t see much at all. I started feeling anxious because I was scared of being in a car crash, anxious that I would be late to work because everyone was driving slow and anxious because I was feeling anxious about being anxious. When I was dealing with depression it felt very similar… I was always anxious that I wouldn’t find anything I am good at, anxious that I would be single forever, anxious about almost everything but mainly because I was trying so hard to focus on what the future could look like (what I wanted to do in life, what’s stopping me from going there etc) but I couldn’t see anything.
My mind was so clouded with no sense of direction…
You know what? I made it to work fine and on time and worked myself up to feel anxious for no reason. I finally (after a lot of shit kicking) found something I love (writing) and have enough confidence to hopefully make a career out of (this blog), I barely (well try not to) feel anxious over everything anymore. Morale of the story…when the fog clears you will make it to your destination safely and feel a sense of release. I have been through it all and I get it, the whole not knowing what’s in front of you or where you are headed is scary, especially if you are driving through fog and can’t see shit. Drive slower, take your time to enjoy the fog because although it’s annoying when you are trying to drive somewhere, it’s actually beautiful... it’s just water droplets and soemetimes ice crystals suspended in the atmosphere, close to the Earth’s surface, wanting you to notice it. Embrace the beauty in the hard times as it will help you map out and see your destination clearer.