If there was anything I learned from the past 3 years of being single and depressed hiding in my room like a hermitcrab, is that every body is different… I have porn to thank for that! No penis, no vagina, no boobs, no body is the same! My phone bills were going through the roof because I was using so much data on watching porn…so I can assure you that I have done the research. Hiding in my room and watching porn isn’t exactly the best way to be living “the best years of my life” so instead of exploring different categories on pornhub I explored “what is depression? How did I get depression? How does it go away?” The “answers” were identical on all of the 13 websites I visited. It then got me thinking about how the hell this one size fits all scientifically proven theory was going to help Sheila who was a depressed single mother of 3 to the girl wanting to break up with her deadbeat boyfriend but is too scared she won't find anyone better, to the career driven professional wanting a career change but doesn't believe in herself?
After several attempts of “self-medicating” using the one size fit’s all guide to dealing with depression thanks to Dr Google, I knew I needed to see a professional face-to-face. I am socially awkward at the best of times, however this time I found it extremely hard to sit in front of a counsellor and tell her how or why I felt the way I did, instead I wrote to her. The more I wrote the more I freed myself from my thoughts. Writing was my therapy. After my free therapy sessions had ended with the counsellor I felt there were still issues I needed to deal with, so I continued on writing my story to her. Over 40,000 words later I created a novel. That Awkward Conversation is not a self-help one size fits all bullshit book but a story about living through different experiences, feeling fucked up emotions, learning and growing. It’s a journey instead of a manual. I will share this project with the world when I am ready. Until then, I will share with you those awkward conversations I have with myself through blog posts.
Please feel free to comment on any blog posts or send through topics you would like me to touch on (and mainly to reassure me that I am not the only one who’s crazy!)