F#ck It

I received a “Five Minute Journal”  for my birthday in April after admiring the one my dad received as a gift from his life coach. When the foreign concept of giving gratitude and writing daily affirmations wore off, I found myself excited to go to bed to wake up and write in my journal, it’s been the only form of “writing therapy” I have given myself permission to do lately (I find the concept of work/life balance hard).

 

Every day it asks me to list three things that “would make today great”. Every day I write the same thing, “Progress on a business plan to start my own freelance business/blog”, in hope that somehow it would miraculously happen. Ironically, I haven’t (and still haven’t) started a business plan on how to launch my own business, so I have no idea why I keep setting myself up for failure every time I pen that task into my gratitude journal. The third part of the morning entry process is to complete a daily affirmation, I am……. And every day I set the same short, powerful, yet simple statement designed to manifest my goals “I am strong, confident and motivated to implement changes towards my dream career”. The only thing I am manifesting is a list of bullshit statements that I have no intention of actioning.

 

So cliché, but it wasn’t until a recent health scare made me sink into a nostalgic mood suddenly making me feel shit about myself. I have wasted my life – it’s been 10 years since I graduated high school and the only achievements I can announce at the reunion are:

-       I can still happily fit into my graduation dress

-       I have graduated university (yet my degree cost more than my yearly salary – even after being in the industry for 3 years!)

-       I have been overseas once (yep, once! And that was on a cruise)

-       Up until 12 months ago I was single…. for almost 7 of those years

 

If somebody asks me how else I filled my day’s throughout those 10 years I can’t reply “Most of my time was consumed in my bedroom at mum and dad’s property watching porn and Foxtel”. The realisation of time and the reality of my lifestyle was starting to piss me off. In the past I would have sunken deep inside the cold shell of depression, locked myself away and done nothing about changing. However, today the pissed off emotion I was feeling fuelled a wave of excitement and movement towards changing what I can. I said to myself “F*ck It” and so this is me F*cking it. I wanted this project to be “perfect” before launching but I am done with making excuses for myself. Regardless of my project being perfect or not, I will learn with my mistakes, we always do. The point is; I started today! I started actioning my daily affirmations and dreams and not allowing myself to waste another 10 years of my life.

 

Although I am scared to open up and give the world a non-filtered raw version of myself, I am excited, motivated, inspired and proud of myself to stop with the bullshit excuses and start something I am passionate about.